Quieting the Mind

I woke up this morning with my usual scroll through Instagram. I like to slowly transition into being awake by mindlessly checking in on the world. A couple weeks back I was feeling particularly inspired and decided to follow an account called "Radiate Positivity." I know, I know, total barf. But honestly, reading positive quotes actually does make me feel better sometimes. Plus I have a deep appreciation for sentences that seem lyrically put together like a piece of poetry. Although some of the quotes on the page are cheesy, every once in a while I read one that speaks to me in the most powerful way. Cue this quote on my newsfeed this morning:

The vibrant red was like an alarm. It burned my eyes as I read it: "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to quiet the mind." Talk about a wake up call.

Although I'm usually a big fan of analyzing everything and then analyzing that analysis, as I read these sentences I knew it was time to tell my thoughts to shut up. Maybe I don't need to "process" every little thing that I feel. Maybe sometimes it's better to just let things go, push past them, and allow myself to be present.

So I did. I committed today to quieting my mind. And honestly, I don't think I've had a more productive day since before Blake died. I wrote two papers, worked on a project, and studied for a midterm. I focused completely on the tasks at hand and channeled all of my thoughts towards them. Whenever my mind started to wander, I silenced it. Not today, today I was in control.

But now, as I lie in bed, I'm up to my usual nightly reflection. I feel good about how I went about my day today, but also somewhat bothered. I'm starting to think that I misread the quote and interpreted it in a helpful, but incomplete way.

After looking at it again, I do feel like I was true to the meaning of quote today. I stopped letting my thoughts distract me so I could get important things done. This must have been what my soul needed today to start regaining a sense of normalcy. But other days? Maybe a quiet mind will lead me down a path of reflection, introspection, action, confrontation, or inquisition. A quiet mind doesn't always mean ignoring or suppressing my thoughts, it just means giving myself a pause to figure out what my soul is telling me it needs.

If I give myself a chance to clear my head, I believe that I will always know what's best for me. What I need will look different every day, so it's important that I give myself a daily space for checking in. By quieting my mind, I can listen to the wisdom that's already inside of me.

Being a Passenger

Some days are beautiful.

There are inevitable moments of stress, loneliness, and sadness, but there is a larger sense of calm. Even while enduring daily struggles, there is an underlying notion that everything is going to be ok. That you are going to be ok.

The beauty in these days isn't in their perfection, but acceptance of their imperfection. There is a release of control because you realize you aren't in control anyway. Although you have the power to change a situation by your interpretation of it, what happens and how it happens is not up to you. This is confusing, frustrating, and annoying, but it is what it is. Sometimes you are just a passenger.

Today was beautiful.