Monday, May 26, 2014

Not Dying, but Passing On

I've said this a thousand times, but the greatest part of starting this blog (besides providing a space for me to spill my thoughts) has been the people it's connected me to. Some have been friends that I had no idea could relate to the things I write about, others were friends of friends who referred them to it, and the most powerful have been the complete strangers. Through a deliberate Google search or a happy accident, they came across this page. And because of this I've met some of the most inspiring women with the unfortunate burden of carrying the same scar on their hearts.

I received an email from another one of these women yesterday. I'm going to quote her because she writes so beautifully that paraphrasing wouldn't do her justice:
"For a long time, I felt very alone. Not that I didn’t have support, but I just felt like no one understood my perspective of this loss. I kept waiting for someone to come out of the woodwork and say they lost their boyfriend too and tell me how and why they were okay and surviving and that I would as well. No one ever did, but then I found you. I have been reading your blog for the past few weeks and it has been very helpful to me to have confirmation that there are other people in my same position and to hear what it has been like for you. There were entries that made me laugh and cry and many that sounded like you were saying exactly what was in my head. Most important to me was the proof that you are making it, and so if you can, then maybe I can too."

I was alone in the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens when I read her words. The wind started to blow and my skin grew prickly with goosebumps. They were the same goosebumps that have always let me know Blake is with me. I felt him in the wind, on my skin, and filling my heart. It was a magical moment when time stood still and the world was perfectly beautiful.

I read on and noticed that she included a link to a video at the bottom. I can't even describe the spoken word poem by Michael Lee because it is just too perfect. You'll have to listen to it yourself:

This amazing woman whom I am so lucky to have met through my blog also said something so moving that I've been thinking about it ever since I read it:
"But you know, the thing about forever, I have realized, is that it is not necessarily some point on a distant horizon that you only reach after a long and happy life. Some forevers are shorter than others. Forever is any moment in time that you wish would last and last and never end. Forever can be just one blink of an eye. Forever is happening right now. And I am so, so eternally grateful for the small forever that Bryan and I had."

Today I am so grateful for my small forever with Blake.


  1. The Michael Lee piece is phenomenal - thanks for posting. So glad you're doing better... laurie

    1. I'm glad you liked it! It's really powerful. I hope you're doing better as well :)