Every morning I've been opening the app with both anticipation and dread. The pictures that it's found from seven, five, or three years ago have been making me laugh. It's given me the opportunity to relive high school graduation parties, college, studying abroad, and everything in between. But the pictures from one year ago have been the most interesting for me to see. As the days get closer to May 28th I am constantly reminded that it's almost been an entire year since Blake has been in our lives.
More so than ever before, I find myself starting sentences in my mind with "This time last year..." as I recall so many lasts:
This time last year Blake and I went to the Monterrey Bay Aquarium and had one of the best days of my entire life.
This time last year I dropped him off at the San Jose Airport for the last time.
This time last year I took off two days of work so I could spend an entire week with Blake for Memorial Day Weekend.
This time last year...
This time last year...
Although the nostalgia has been somewhat upsetting, I've been surprised by how okay I feel. It's almost scary how detached I am from the memories of this time last year that the app places on my screen. I look at the pictures with love and fondness, but it feels kind of like I'm looking at people I knew a long time ago. The couple looks vaguely familiar, as if they were my close friends from another lifetime.
As the days of reminiscing have gone on, I've started to believe that this feeling of loving detachment comes from the fact that this time last year, I was a different person. Maybe the reason why the couple looks like people I knew in another lifetime is because it really was another lifetime. Maybe life as I knew it has finally started to come to a close and a new life has started to begin.
It's new and scary and a bit uncomfortable, but I finally feel like I'm ready.
As the days of reminiscing have gone on, I've started to believe that this feeling of loving detachment comes from the fact that this time last year, I was a different person. Maybe the reason why the couple looks like people I knew in another lifetime is because it really was another lifetime. Maybe life as I knew it has finally started to come to a close and a new life has started to begin.
It's new and scary and a bit uncomfortable, but I finally feel like I'm ready.
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