There is a lightness in my body and mind that I haven't felt since before Blake passed away.
The medium called me again this morning to check up on me after our intense conversation the other night. He told me immediately that I sounded different. When he brought that to my attention I realized he was right. I did feel really different.
He said he was blown away by my connection with Blake. Initially he had some idea of the depth of it, but after talking with both of us he came to understand that our bond was greater than he realized. Probably greater than we even realized. It felt amazing to hear him validate what I already knew somewhere imbedded in the fibers of my being: what we had was special, what we still have is special.
What the medium acknowledged is something that I have had a hard time getting other people to understand. Moving on for me doesn't mean belittling my relationship with Blake, making it seem like we had less of a connection than we did, or making him out to be an unworthy person. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I recognize what a true love and soul mate he was to me, but the circumstances of where he was in life cut our time together short. Because he was unable to learn the lessons he needed to in this lifetime, a life together became impossible.
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The medium told me that as a gift, Blake said it is going to be his mission to connect me with a soul mate who can be all of the things he wasn't able to be for me. At first this scared me. Does admitting there is someone better for me conflict with saying Blake is a soul mate to me? Will moving on mean that I love Blake less? I can finally answer both of these questions with a firm "No." When that time eventually comes (which, admittedly, probably still won't be for a while) and I can see this new person as a gift from Blake, I know that it will be ok accept it and that I deserve it. Moving on won't mean loving Blake less, it will mean finally loving myself more.
Chills! Loved how you are going to be seeing this new person, who will one day come into your life, as a gift from Blake. You amaze me every time you write Briana.
ReplyDeleteI am so honored to read your revelations and "hear" you talk about your new experiences, your low points, and your highs on this new journey. You are stronger than you know.
Please know I am always thinking about you and praying for you. You are a gift to all of us who read your blog. However, those of us who do know you are truly blessed. Thank you for continuing to write and express your feelings most of us have experienced during different parts of life. Love you tremendously.
It's a very hard thing to wrap my mind around eventually being with someone else. It almost feels like a betrayal, or cheating on Blake. After what the medium told me, it makes me feel like Blake is actually on my team and trying to coach me into finding that perfect person for me. When I think about it that way, it doesn't feel like stabbing Blake in the back at all. I actually think, when that time comes, Blake will be so happy that he could help be a part of bringing that lifelong happiness to me.
DeleteThank you for your sweet words! I feel so honored that you care enough to read about my journey. And it feels even better to know that even though my life circumstances are different than yours, you've been able to relate to what I've said on some helpful level.
Love you right back, girlfriend <3