I did it! I’m all moved into my new apartment in San Diego. When you look down my street you can see the ocean! It’s everything we dreamt about and more. There is a new sense of calm in my life that makes me feel like I am exactly where I need to be.
Every step of the move, I envisioned you with me. Talking for hours with my mom and me as we drove down, helping my dad carry up and rebuild all of my furniture (while my mom and I tried to be useful), and laying with me in bed after it was all done, discussing excitedly about this new adventure for us.
It’s jarring each time I have to realize that it’s just me, not us. You would think I’d understand that already, but it’s still a shot to the heart every single time. As much as I try to cling on to the idea that we’re doing this together, I know it’s just me now.
I wish I felt ok about that, but I don’t. Not at all. It’s not like I believe you’re going to miraculously come back, but wouldn’t that be nice? We could live in this perfect city and start fresh together. I realize that will never happen, but I can’t stop thinking about it regardless of the facts.
Tonight, I am asking you to be with me. Find a way to somehow help me feel your presence in all of these happy moments so I can share them with you. We both wanted this so badly. And because of that, I feel strangely selfish having this experience on my own. I know you think I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. So please, find a way to share this happiness with me.
I love you to Planet Z (and back),