Yes, but for how long?
When will I be able to stop taking these pills to make me feel better once I get used to them as my coping mechanism?
Will I ever be able to be ok without them?
I know this is controversial, but it's how I've always felt. I'm not up on a soapbox here, I just need to vent a little bit.
I believe in the power of therapy. I believe in the power of getting at the very root of a problem and then starting to cope and heal from there. I've never been ok with a band-aid solution. I figure if I just work on the surface level of an issue, the pain will never truly go away. When you keep pushing aside what's really causing the emotional turmoil, how do you ever expect for it lessen?
Don't get me wrong, I realize how amazing medication can be. There are people who truly need it and it does wonders for them once they find the right pill. I don't judge anyone for that. I think it's great that doctors have been able to use science and technology to correct imbalances in brain chemistry.
But is every problem an imbalance in brain chemistry?
If at any point in my grief I feel like something just isn't normal about my thinking or the way I process things, I will gladly agree to get professional help. But after a tragedy like losing someone you love, who wouldn't feel overwhelmingly sad? Who wouldn't want to stay in bed all day? Who wouldn't find it hard to eat or sleep? I need to remember that it has been less than two months so all of this is NORMAL. This is a natural reaction to dealing with something so unfathomably horrific.
Will taking pills make me feel happy? Help me get out of bed? Possibly. Is that what I need? That cannot possibly be determined yet.
Why is it that everyone's first reaction to being upset is to take a pill? Isn't that what got Blake into his addiction in the first place?
I personally believe that medication should always be your very last resort in dealing with emotional problems, not the first. If you try all available coping mechanisms and something still just isn't right, I think there's so much strength in realizing you might need medication to help you through it. There is absolutely no shame in that.
As of right now, writing down my thoughts and connecting with people who are going through/went through similar things as I am has been so incredibly therapeutic. I know I am getting better. Every day I am able to see things more clearly, let go of anger, and focus more and more on the positives. Although at times I feel like I'm on the cusp of depression, who wouldn't be? I think it wouldn't be normal if I wasn't. The important thing is I'm recognizing the warning signs and being honest with others and myself. I am trying to be accountable for helping myself, whether that involves writing more, surrounding myself with friends and family, joining a support group, seeing a profesional, or (as a last resort) taking medication.
After all, think of the irony in dealing with the loss of someone who died from an addiction to prescription pills by taking prescription pills. If that is what it takes, so be it, but I am going to fight as hard as I can to use every coping mechanism and resource possible to avoid that.
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