I came across a quote that really resonated with me. "You know that place between sleep and awake? The place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I will be waiting."
The final two sentences hit me especially hard,"That's where I will always love you. That's where I will be waiting."
Last night when I read this quote and reread those last two sentences again, and again, and again, I started to believe it was a direct message from Blake. My dreams are where he's always going to love me. That's where he's waiting for me.
I was so excited to drift off to sleep. I just knew he was going to be sitting on the clouds of my dreams saving a spot for me right next to him. Through my dreams I was going to be able to see his face, hear his voice, kiss him, be held by him. In that state between sleep and awake, we could be together.
When my alarm jolted me awake this morning I realized immediately that I didn't have my date with Blake. I felt defeated. Why hadn't he met me? I was waiting for him and he stood me up.
Why is he abandoning me?
The abnormally gloomy San Diego skies matched my mood. I let each grey cloud serve as a reflection of the storm brewing in my mind. He's gone. Thunder. He's never coming back. Lighting. He's slipping further away each day. Wind. And I have to accept it. Rain drops.
As I was ruminating, I decided to reread the quote again. Only this time, instead of concentrating on the last two sentences, the other two sentences popped out and shifted my focus. "You know that place between sleep and awake? The place where you can still remember dreaming?"
In my initial reading of this, I took it quite literally. I imagined myself in the state, lucid dreaming, right before I wake up and have some volition over and memory of my dreams. This made me believe that the rest of the quote meant that I would be connected to Blake and loved by him there. That's why I was so disappointed when I awoke this morning and discovered the he hadn't been waiting for me there after all.
But maybe I was wrong to interpret the message literally. The place between sleep and awake could mean something besides the obvious. It could be a space that exists between reality and unfathomable hope.
Maybe I can meet Blake in a meditative place within my heart that allows me to connect to real things not seen by the eye, felt by the skin, or understood by logic. In this place, unbound by the constraints of facts but not too outlandish to be possible, he will wait for me. That's where he'll always love me.