I woke up this morning with my usual scroll through Instagram. I like to slowly transition into being awake by mindlessly checking in on the world. A couple weeks back I was feeling particularly inspired and decided to follow an account called "Radiate Positivity." I know, I know, total barf. But honestly, reading positive quotes actually does make me feel better sometimes. Plus I have a deep appreciation for sentences that seem lyrically put together like a piece of poetry. Although some of the quotes on the page are cheesy, every once in a while I read one that speaks to me in the most powerful way. Cue this quote on my newsfeed this morning:
The vibrant red was like an alarm. It burned my eyes as I read it: "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to quiet the mind." Talk about a wake up call.
Although I'm usually a big fan of analyzing everything and then analyzing that analysis, as I read these sentences I knew it was time to tell my thoughts to shut up. Maybe I don't need to "process" every little thing that I feel. Maybe sometimes it's better to just let things go, push past them, and allow myself to be present.
So I did. I committed today to quieting my mind. And honestly, I don't think I've had a more productive day since before Blake died. I wrote two papers, worked on a project, and studied for a midterm. I focused completely on the tasks at hand and channeled all of my thoughts towards them. Whenever my mind started to wander, I silenced it. Not today, today I was in control.
But now, as I lie in bed, I'm up to my usual nightly reflection. I feel good about how I went about my day today, but also somewhat bothered. I'm starting to think that I misread the quote and interpreted it in a helpful, but incomplete way.
After looking at it again, I do feel like I was true to the meaning of quote today. I stopped letting my thoughts distract me so I could get important things done. This must have been what my soul needed today to start regaining a sense of normalcy. But other days? Maybe a quiet mind will lead me down a path of reflection, introspection, action, confrontation, or inquisition. A quiet mind doesn't always mean ignoring or suppressing my thoughts, it just means giving myself a pause to figure out what my soul is telling me it needs.
If I give myself a chance to clear my head, I believe that I will always know what's best for me. What I need will look different every day, so it's important that I give myself a daily space for checking in. By quieting my mind, I can listen to the wisdom that's already inside of me.