I want you to imagine being naked. Not physically, but emotionally. Any of the walls you've built up to protect yourself from judgement, to make you look cool, or fun, or pretty- gone. You've gotten to a point with someone where you don't need to make excuses about why you are the way you are. As annoying as you may be, you're not only accepted, but cherished. You really have no idea how a person could possibly see all of your flaws and still like you, let alone love you, but somehow he does.
Now imagine how hard it must have been to get to that point. These walls you've built up are referred to as walls for a reason. They aren't gates that can be swung open or even doors that can be unlocked if you have the right key. They are walls. Tall, sturdy, unyielding. It doesn't matter how they were built, but they are there now. As much as they frustrate you, you need them. You've grown attached to them in a way that is unhealthy, but comforting.
Imagine the freedom that comes with having these walls knocked down. Not only knocked down, but they vanished completely. You feel like you can't even remember a time when these walls even existed because they are such a distant memory. There you are, standing there, completely and unapologetically naked in front of someone. How does it feel? What would you do? You feel like you can say anything, do anything, be anything. Anything and everything is possible because of that person and how he makes you feel.
Now imagine that being taken away from you without warning and without any chance of getting it back.
That's how it feels losing Blake.
And I say "feels" not "felt" because I have to wake up every day and realize all over again that he's gone.
Maybe I don't want to give up the feeling Blake showed me of being completely naked.
I don't want my walls back.
I don't want to part with the idea that anything and everything is possible.
Perhaps if I love the whole world like I love Blake, with no fear, no reservations, no walls, and complete nakedness, maybe it'll see all of my flaws and not only like me, but love me too.